What I learned from Dr. Kayla Jimenez on Postpartum Intimacy
When navigating the postpartum period, intimacy can take on a whole new meaning. In our recent podcast episode with Dr. Kayla Jimeneza, a California-licensed psychologist specializing in guiding couples through transitions like the postpartum journey. During our conversation, Caroline, Dr. Kayla, and I explored insights on maintaining intimacy in the face of these changes. This discussion shed light on what intimacy truly means postpartum and offered practical guidance for couples navigating this vulnerable phase.
Here are the key takeaways from our conversation that may help you and your partner stay connected and grow closer during the postpartum period.
1. Intimacy Redefined: Beyond the Physical
With the physical and hormonal shifts that accompany childbirth, intimacy naturally takes on new forms. As Dr. Kayla emphasized, intimacy postpartum isn’t just about sex; it’s about nurturing an emotional connection that might even feel more profound in this season. For many new mothers, it can be challenging to connect physically when their body has shifted roles—from a source of connection with their partner to a source of care for their newborn.
Dr. Kayla encouraged embracing this transition by focusing on small acts of emotional closeness. These could be as simple as holding hands, sharing a moment of gratitude, or having a short, agenda-free conversation (not about anything baby-related). By placing emotional intimacy at the forefront, partners can experience a renewed connection, creating a supportive space for physical intimacy to return more naturally when both partners feel ready.
2. Acknowledging the Impact of Body Image on Connection
Postpartum body image shifts can significantly affect how a new mother feels about intimacy. Dr. Kayla spoke candidly about how these changes can lead to a disconnect between how a woman views or feels in her own body and how she once connected with her partner. This discomfort can be an unexpected hurdle for many.
One way forward is through vulnerability. Couples who openly share their insecurities, including those around postpartum body image, create opportunities for greater understanding and empathy. By openly discussing how each partner is feeling, couples can redefine intimacy in a way that honors their individual experiences and fosters a more authentic connection.
3. Build Emotional Check-ins into Your Routine
One of the most impactful tools we discussed was the importance of emotional check-ins. In the whirlwind of postpartum life, it’s easy to let true connection fall by the wayside. Yet, regularly checking in on an emotional level—even if just for five minutes—can provide an anchor for both partners. This is not about sharing parenting tasks or schedules, but about connecting “partner-to-partner, not parent-to-parent.”
These check-ins don’t have to be lengthy or deeply involved; sometimes, a simple “How are you feeling?” can go a long way. Taking just a few minutes to ask how each other is doing and what they might need can bring a sense of partnership and mutual support that strengthens the relationship.
4. Cultivate Curiosity in Moments of Conflict
Dr. Kayla also shared a transformative way of reframing conflict: approach disagreements with curiosity instead of defensiveness. I discussed my favorite approach to conflict: Rather than asking, “What are we fighting about?” ask yourselves, “What are we fighting for?” Shifting this focus helps both partners get to the core of their needs instead of feeling defensive or adversarial.
This perspective is especially useful during the postpartum phase when tensions can run high, and patience can run low. By asking what each partner truly wants or needs, couples can tap into the desire for connection that often underlies conflict. This approach helps each person feel heard and validated, leading to a more compassionate and lasting resolution.
5. Create Space for Vulnerability and Empathy
The postpartum journey is filled with unique challenges, and one of the most powerful ways to strengthen intimacy is to create a safe space for vulnerability. Dr. Kayla highlighted the importance of simply holding space for each other’s feelings without offering solutions or judgment. This is especially helpful when one partner feels the pressure to “fix” the other’s struggles, when really, simply listening is often what’s needed most.
We explored an exercise in which each partner takes a few minutes to speak while the other listens without interruption. This practice of “holding space” creates a profound sense of validation, allowing both partners to feel seen and supported. In these vulnerable moments, empathy can deepen the relationship, even if it doesn’t immediately solve the issue at hand.
Final Thoughts: Redefining Intimacy for the Postpartum Journey
Dr. Kayla’s insights underscored an important truth: postpartum intimacy isn’t about holding on to what worked before the baby arrived. Instead, it’s about allowing intimacy to evolve in ways that align with each partner’s needs and the new demands of family life. Simple acts of connection, empathetic conversations, and a commitment to understanding each other’s changing needs form the foundation of intimacy in this new season.
During the postpartum journey, intimacy may look less like grand gestures and more like everyday small moments of connection. While it may be challenging, this time can also be an opportunity to explore a deeper kind of closeness. Dr. Kayla’s wisdom is a reminder that, with patience and compassion, couples can rediscover intimacy in ways that truly honor their individual experiences and the relationship they’ve built together.
If you haven’t yet listened to the episode, here it is below!