Busting Motherhood Myths
As a perinatal psychologist in New York, I've witnessed countless new moms grappling with societal expectations and personal doubts. Our society, families, friends, and media often paint a picture of motherhood that can be unrealistic and even harmful. These motherhood myths, when internalized, can negatively impact our moods and beliefs about our abilities as moms. It's crucial to recognize and challenge these myths to foster a healthier, more authentic motherhood experience.
Here are some more common motherhood myths:
Good moms always know why their babies are crying. In reality, babies cry for many reasons and it's not always obvious, even to experienced mothers.
Motherhood comes naturally and is instinctive for all women. The truth is that motherhood is largely learned, not instinctive, and it's normal to feel unprepared.
Moms should enjoy every moment of motherhood. It's perfectly normal to not enjoy certain aspects of parenting while still loving your children.
Good moms can do it all, all at once. This puts pressure on moms to be perfect in all areas of life simultaneously.
Mothers should be with their infants 24 hours a day in the first few months. In fact, it's healthy for mothers to take breaks and have time for yourself.
Good mothers are selfless, put their baby first, and never focus on themselves. Carving out time for yourself is crucial if you want to be the best version of yourself for your baby.
Motherhood should be all-consuming and all-fulfilling. While motherhood is important, it's not the only aspect of your identity or source of fulfillment.
If a child misbehaves or makes bad choices, it means the mother has failed. Children have their own personalities and free will, and their choices don't necessarily reflect on the quality of parenting they've received.
When you find yourself caught up in these myths or any "shoulds" about motherhood, take a moment to analyze your thoughts. Ask yourself these questions:
Where did I learn this belief?
What evidence supports this thought?
Is this a helpful thought for me to have and hold onto?
Are there alternative ways of thinking about this?
Am I striving for perfection here?
What do my values tell me to do in this situation?
By questioning these myths and our own thoughts, we can start to break free from unrealistic expectations and cultivate a more genuine, compassionate approach to motherhood.
The truth is, motherhood is a complex, multifaceted experience that varies for each individual. Bonding with your baby may take time, and that's okay. Motherly instincts often develop gradually as you get to know your child. Not every moment will feel gratifying, and that's normal. Breastfeeding can be challenging and may not always feel like a magical bonding experience. And while motherhood involves sacrifice, it's essential to maintain your own identity and practice self-care.
Remember, there's no such thing as a perfect mother. Research shows that being a "good enough" mother is actually ideal for your child’s development. This means providing consistent love, support, and care while also allowing room for mistakes and growth.
As you navigate your journey into motherhood, it's crucial to approach this transition with intentionality. Living a life aligned with your values and being mindful of your choices can help you find meaning and fulfillment in your role as a mother. At Bloom, Dr. Hila Sachs understands the importance of preparing for the postpartum period and providing empathic, genuine support to help with intentionality and meaningfulness. Each client receives personalized guidance to navigate the challenges of new motherhood and develop strategies for perfectionistic thinking or getting caught in the negative motherhood myths loop. Remember, your journey into motherhood is unique. By challenging myths, aligning with your values, and seeking support when needed, you can cultivate a more authentic and fulfilling experience of motherhood. A perfect mom isn't necessary – a "good enough" mom who shows up with love, intention, and self-compassion is exactly what your child needs.