What I learned about reproductive loss from dr. shara brofman
In our recent The Moms Are Alright episode with Dr. Shara Brofman, a clinical psychologist specializing in reproductive mental health, I was deeply moved by the wisdom and compassion she brought to a topic that many struggle to speak about—reproductive loss. Our conversation reminded me that the word “loss” doesn’t quite capture the full experience. It’s not just a moment—it’s a shift in how someone sees themselves, their body, their future, and even their place in the world.
One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation was how Dr. Brofman expanded the definition of reproductive loss. It’s not just miscarriage or stillbirth—it’s also failed IVF cycles, egg retrievals that yield no embryos, terminations for medical reasons (TFMR), and any moment when a reproductive journey doesn’t go as hoped. These experiences carry their own unique weight, and yet they often live in silence because there isn’t always language—or space—for them.
We also talked about the deep identity shifts that follow reproductive loss. When you’ve grown up believing pregnancy “just happens,” and then it doesn’t—or ends unexpectedly—it can feel disorienting. It’s not just grief; it’s a rupture in your narrative. Many individuals internalize that rupture as failure, even when it isn’t rational. Externalizing the pain that comes from loss and examining the storyline that has been disrupted is often a helpful way to work through the grief. As a therapist, I encourage you to talk about your “reproductive story,” and how loss can challenge it—but also how you have the power to author new chapters, ones that hold space for both grief and growth. Your story doesn't end with a loss. It transforms—and you get to shape what comes next.
Another point that struck me was how information-seeking—something we all do in a digital age—can be both empowering and distressing. People turn to Reddit, Facebook groups, and forums looking for validation or answers, only to find unfiltered, uncontained stories that may increase fear. Dr. Brofman reminded us that while community is important, boundaries around how and where we seek support matter, too.
Dr. Brofman’s top tip for navigating reproductive grief was simple yet profound: grief takes time. It doesn’t follow a tidy timeline, and there’s no “getting over it.” She urged us to stop expecting ourselves—or others—to bounce back quickly. The pain may shift and soften, but it often lingers longer than people think it “should.” Instead of fighting that reality, Dr. Brofman encourages people to tolerate the discomfort of healing slowly. In a culture that loves quick fixes, this reminder felt radical and deeply human.
Perhaps the most meaningful reminder was this: while we can’t erase grief, we can move with it. Whether through ritual, therapy, storytelling, or simply allowing yourself to feel what you feel—your experience is valid. It matters. And it deserves to be held with care.
To anyone walking this path: you are not alone. There are many of us—clinicians, communities, and fellow parents—here to support you.