Postpartum Musings: Appreciating the Present
If you’re a postpartum mom, you’ve probably heard it a hundred times already: “Enjoy every moment!” or “It goes by so fast!”—all well-meaning advice from friends, family, or even strangers in the elevator. And while yes, time does seem to fly, I want to offer my honest take:
It’s okay if you’re not enjoying every moment.
As a new mom, I am so grateful that I have good support. And yet I still find myself surprised by how intense it all feels at times. I try to remind myself that I am healing, learning a new rhythm, and adjusting to this whole new identity. Even with the help—and I truly know how lucky I am to have it—there are moments that feel really hard to be present for.
For example, just the other day, my baby had a sore stomach and was fussing. No matter what I did, she had a hard time settling, and it was hard to make her feel better. I could feel my own self-judgment building because I wanted to fix it for her, but nothing seemed to help. That’s when I remembered: Being present doesn’t mean loving every moment—it means being where your feet are (with the struggle, and without the judgment). So, I took deep breaths, relaxed my muscles, and got comfortable in my chair. I focused on staying calm and being with my daughter through her discomfort. It wasn’t easy, but I stayed with the moment. The discomfort didn’t go away, but my ability to stay grounded helped me (and my daughter) move through it without letting the self-criticism or judgment take over.
I want to share this because I know how easy it is to question yourself. So many times in sessions I’ve had patients question, “Why can’t I just be more grateful? Why am I not soaking this all in?” If you’ve ever asked yourself similar questions, its important to remind yourself: You’re not doing it wrong. Your nervous system is still recalibrating. Your brain and body are adjusting. Even when things are “going well,” it’s a lot.
Appreciating the present doesn’t mean loving every second. It also doesn’t mean ignoring the hard stuff. Sometimes it just means noticing. Pausing. Breathing.
There will be days when it’s easy and days when it’s more challenging. So if you’re struggling to feel present, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re navigating a massive life shift. And it’s okay if appreciating the moment looks a little different each day.
Here’s what helps me get present:
Slowing down when I can, even just for 10 seconds.
Putting my phone down when I’m with my baby.
Focusing on the task at hand (eg. when I make her bottle, I make her bottle; when I burp her, I burp her)
Relaxing my muscles, taking a deep breath, and noticing my 5 senses.
If you’re in the thick of postpartum or motherhood right now, just know this: You’re not missing it. You’re in it. Even if you’re tired, unsure, or counting the minutes till bedtime—you’re doing it.
And that is more than enough.